Free refill for tears these days. 

My parents told me the story of a whole family being engulfed by COVID-19. The grandma was the first to contract the virus, died in a few days. Then the dad got sick, followed by the mom – both were sent away as soon as they tested positive. Before the kid died, he was the only one at home and the only one alive in the family. He was holding a family portrait till the last second of his life. Even for many of the young ones that are lucky enough to survive, chance is that they are orphaned. Stories like such sound like dark mythologies that are meant to scare children. 

Interestingly, even though I have been very emotional while watching all the movies and shows, I have not spared a tear to my own situation under corona, yet. I was more lost than upset. I felt disoriented about the coming months, most of which will be spent in my 135 square feet (12.5 m^2) dorm room, and I’m supposed to still “go” to classes, get good grades, work out, entertain myself – basically functioning as a normal human being despite the chaos. 

Maybe the key reason why my tears haven’t given in by far is that I’m seeing my entire family in China going through the same thing. Their battle has almost come to an end, and we just geared up. It is quite unfair for my parents to trek though the same battlefield twice, once physically and once mentally. To some extent, they are more anxious about me choosing to stay in New York than myself. After all, Americans have just started to understand the importance of social distancing and many of them are still refusing to put on cautionary measures when out on the street. It’s depressing how people really need to see things alarming enough to prevent further tragedies. Being one of the stubborn and optimistic (or dumb) ones before, I finally conceded to my parents, “I won’t go breathe the fresh air unless I have to buy groceries.”

When things were just starting to get worse, and I finally pressed the cancel button in my head for our trip to Nashville, I began to make my alternative Spring Break to do list, hoping that it’d calm my restless body at 1:30 AM. Immediately, I knew that this is the prime time for me to go back to the arts. Photography has always been with me in college, but I haven’t done any sketches, paintings, installations, or collages. Installations and collages were my favorite when I was an IB Art kid, but if COVID has taught me anything so far, it is to always think about the long term. Moving out with 3D art pieces every summer is simply too much a hassle. I already made a family friend babysit my cactus over the summer (speaking of which, I just realized that I never took her back from her cactusitter..) 

Collages could perfectly express my state of mind right now. Life is a zillion different pieces at this point, and I’m trying my best to put everything together. The goal is to find harmony in a dystopia, and, on the bright side, we probably also has a zillion ways to orchestrate them. 

I gave myself a challenge – to find all the pieces for my collage in one single magazine (thank you ICP). Ironically, this constraint actually sparkled more creativity. Because I couldn’t always find the elements in my mind, I had to seek alternatives to express the same feeling. For example, my hunch was to put a large piece of ocean/water image at the bottom, but the magazine was simply not watery enough. Instead, I found this gloomy piece of sky that is adorned by dots of lights. To keep it close to the idea of water, I gave it a wavy edge. If you look careful enough, you could see a tiny red glove/stop sign up in the night sky. I have no clue how it was captured in the original photo, but I know it wasn’t random. This subtle yet also obtrusive red hand was the reason why I decided to use this sky in the first place.

The collage is quite urban because pandemics always hit cities the hardest. I have pretty much spent my whole life in gigantic cities that are buzzy all year around. Photos of empty streets and closed businesses break my heart, so I want to make sure that this collage still reflects some liveliness of an urban setting.

I realized that I didn’t quite give a concrete explanation of this work, but why do we have to define everything. However, I do want to hear your interpretations and share your burdens, so hit me up. 

thinking about my masseuses and sending love to everyone

Cherrie